“I’m fine.”…not really.
We live in a world where daily inquiries of “how are you” are automatically met with a response of “I’m fine”. But…is that true? More so, what is “fine”?
Amir Abbassy described the human experience as, “Trying to heal while trying to grieve, while trying to live, while trying to dream, while trying to smile, while trying to give love, while trying to be love.”
Therefore, is anyone truly “fine” in 2023, where we continue to navigate a global pandemic, intense political and social zeitgeists, economic concerns, and ongoing systematic oppression? The answer…likely not.
So, if there is an awareness that many (if not all) of us are not anywhere near “fine”, why not be honest? Furthermore, what do we do to take care of ourselves when we are not “fine,” or perhaps nowhere near it?
Similar to many other processes of expressing honestly how we are doing and what we may need, the first step is acknowledging authentically how we are feeling. Given that all emotions are morally neutral (i.e. there is no “good/positive” or “bad/negative” emotions), we can hold space that all emotions are valid and human. Thus, deconstructing the notion that we “should” be experiencing “positive” emotions as indicators of doing “fine”. When we further detangle the notion that we should always be doing “fine,” we create space for the fullness of our humanity and human experience.
Secondly, we can be intentional about how we want to communicate and express when we are not “fine.” Although not every encounter creates safety for us to explain details or context about how we are doing, we can create more genuine interactions and boundaries to enhance self-care.
Divya Robin MHC recently posted the “7 Things to say instead of ‘I’m fine’ if you really aren’t”. She included the following:
“Things have actually been pretty rough recently. When you have space to listen, let me know and I can share more”
“I’m just taking it day by day. Small steps are what is helpful for me right now.”
“Things have been better. I am trying to be patient through this season of life.’
“I’m not sure how to put my feelings into words at the moment. It’s been a lot recently. I appreciate you asking, but I’m not sure how I want to talk it about it now.”
“I appreciate your concern for my well-being, but I don’t feel like sharing at this moment.”
“I’m not doing the best…I am open to talking about it, but I would prefer a listening ear vs. problem solving right now.”
*You don’t say anything + change to a subject you feel comfortable discussing*- You are fully in your right to not discuss how you are doing with those around you if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe doing so. You are allowed to set conversational boundaries because your well-being comes first.
These statements not only offer options for more authentic ways to express how we are doing, they also offer another way to express boundaries about HOW we want to communicate how we are doing and what we may need from those around us. Being more honest and open in not being “fine” creates opportunities to share our pain with others and gain the support and care we all deserve to have.
Our humanity lies outside being “fine”, and that deserves to be seen, heard, and held.
Interested in working with Kelsey? Contact her at KelseySchroeder@RoomToBreatheChicago.com