Episode 1 Coffee Chats: Steph Bour, Prenatal Yoga Guide & Birth Doula

Annnnd, we’re live with episode 1 of Coffee Chats!

Sara chats with Stephanie Bour, a perinatal yoga guide, birth doula, and hypno birthing educator. Steph teaches online all over the world to help birthing parents and their partners understand the physiology of the normal process of labor and built trust in their innate capacity to birth safely with joy, using self hypnosis as well as relaxation, breathing and massages techniques. Sara talks with Steph about her training and techniques, what folks can expect when working with Steph, and wraps up with a brief meditation to guide you smoothly from this conversation into the rest of your day.

Steph's prenatal yoga immersion, Empower Your Pregnancy, starts February 11th.

Connect with Steph at @StephBYoga or at StephanieBour.Com

Interview transcript {edited for clarity}

Sara Buxton I'm excited that you're here. We haven't really followed up via conversation since I had Gus. So I think this kind of works well.

Steph Bour  It's the perfect moment to catch up.

Sara Buxton Yes. And it's good to do it before Empower Your Pregnancy. My plan for today is I'll introduce you how I know you, you introduce yourself. Your doula work, your yoga work, your hypnobirthing work. I'm kind of curious to know where that's gone, because I was kind of maybe your first-ish. And then we can talk about me and our work together. And then about Empower Your Pregnancy. So the way I would introduce you, the way I do introduce you to people I know, is you are a pre and postnatal expert in yoga. You're a doula. You guide all birthing persons through their pregnancy and their labor and their postpartum. You're kind of a magical creature when it comes to yoga nidra. And that kind of inter-weaves in your work with pregnant people. And you helped me have the birth that I wanted, so you will forever be that person for me. But yeah, why don't you introduce yourself? 

Steph Thank you so much for creating the space for us to exchange and listen to each other. And for me to explain a little bit of what my passion is. It's a work but it's really, I think, a calling because I started my professional life very, very far away from taking care of people through fertility and transformational life events like having a child. I started working in health with yoga. So yoga for the general public, but I have always been interested in more meditative practice, guided relaxation, yoga nidra, I have been practicing since I discovered yoga for myself, I really dove into the realm of this conscious sleep way before teaching. And then quickly, I think my experience with yoga accompanied me through my own life transformation, having my two kids and then I practiced yoga to support my pregnancy and learn how to support the pressure and intensity of childbirth. So I decided, I have to do this, I have to help other people. And I have to share the benefits. So that's why I specialized in pregnancy and labor in, really, women's health. Encompassing the moments before, like preconception even, like working with yoga and fertility a little bit and then all the childbearing years. And then obviously, supporting parents and birthing parents, especially after having the baby, in our postpartum time. That's why I also trained myself as a doula. So to really have all those different tools to be able to choose what's the best for my client's needs, desires, values. I also added Hypno-birthing later on as my last training. I'm thinking about in the very very beginning, even before having trained myself as a yoga instructor when we met the first time at Moksha. I was already interested in mind-body, I was practicing yoga, and I did a massage training. All that came together beautifully. And I think today I'm on a mission to really help families to have the arrival of their babies in the best conditions possible. Emotionally and physically. And for this, we need a village. So, I am so happy to be one piece in this village.

Sara You kind of represent a big village. One thing - I think I met you when you were pregnant? I think it was like the first time we actually spent time together was at the first Room to Breathe gathering. It wasn't even Room to Breathe yet. And you were pregnant with Ella? So that was what? How old is she now?

Steph End of 2015. She was born February 2016. So she's almost seven years.

Sara That's wild. I think something that I want to speak to, I want to make sure we talk about, is how you help me and I think you help most people understand their physiology, but also their psychology of what they're capable of doing. You gave me permission to trust my body, which I wouldn't have if I never knew you. You reached out to me, right when I announced my pregnancy, and through our initial meetings together, yes, I lived in Boulder at the time, and I had a lot of support in the psychological realm of pregnancy. But without you, I probably wouldn't have gotten as deep with what my body was capable of. And trusted that over what even midwives were telling me, I should or shouldn't do. So I do want to speak to that, because I think on a larger scale, it kind of represents who we are at Room to Breathe, right? We live in the middle of this holistic space. And also we trust Western medicine. But first, we trust our body's ability to do things and to heal. And I think in your work with pregnant folks, with birthing folks, you are really able to allow them to tap into that power, that ability. And understand really what that is because if you're pregnant, it means your body is able to do things. And I think also even when it comes to fertility and folks going through infertility, there's so much noise that can make things harder, versus easing into a space where you can trust your body's ability to do the things that it was made to do with both and - like with both medicine and holistic approaches to things. So I think I want you to kind of share just a general explanation of how you approach supporting birthing persons especially when they're already in the hospital system, they're working with an OB and usually they're given the "scary" vision of what pregnancy and birth is versus the beautiful vision that you help people see. 

Steph This is where my experience as a yoga teacher and the yoga in itself and more theoretical aspects of maybe giving information and teaching physiology and anatomy and giving more like a childbirth class meets. It's where I really see my classes and my supporting space or the time we share together as embodied learning. So I always try to make people feel in their bodies and discover by themselves. So giving guidance, explaining the rationales first, and then giving space with movements, with guidance - not how to feel or what to feel. That's what we teach at Room to Breathe, psychologically sensitive yoga, how you get people in sensing, and in realizing, in their awareness. But in the context of having learned the rationales before, like, I can tell you 10 times you can handle the the pain of the surgeries, or your body will open and you know that, but if you can't really let your body do the work or rest with this confidence that your body is able to do that. And this comes from an awareness or deep trust that you have been with many practices over time. For example, it seems simple, but each time you go on your yoga mat, you go in a position that feels good, it's for you to find this particular position that feels good today that will convince you that you are able to trust the feedback of your body. And so if you're doing it today, in a yoga class, pregnant, you will be able to do this the day of the birth, even if you don't know where you're gonna be, with who, with what surroundings, because what we teach also is to let go of expectations. Because birth is unpredictable, by itself, in the very essence of birth. And that's what is magical about it. Let it happen. You don't even know - the babies choose the day, the time. And if there is no medical indication to nudge this or guide this, the magic is that you follow babies lead, your bodies. And the concept of the yoga classes are to kind of be a little mini laboratory of this experience that we might have in labor and birth. But providing rationales, providing anatomy, physiology, explaining neurologically what happens, the orchestration of hormones, so you really have an understanding. And then also teaching practical tools. That's what we do in Hypno-birthing, too, we teach different breathing techniques, different massage techniques, different visualization. So you kind of convince yourself, you have this big toolbox. So your thinking brain can rest with this idea. And then you can let your prefrontal cortex "sleep" and connect with your body and with your soul and with your heart and with your baby. And that's it.

But I think you really need the construct before, to learn with your prefrontal cortex before letting go, and then to let go, we learn relaxation techniques, movements, and we use all the beautiful tools of yoga to learn how to be in the body at will.

And recreate those conditions of trust, and also how to regulate your nervous system, because the problem is not to get super stressed. Because that's kind of healthy to signal. Sometimes stress is good, even in labor or childbirth. But it's how you come back to more neutral and how you're able to come back to the ground.

Sara It's interesting when you're saying that because I think a big thing you helped me with is that birth and labor can be chaotic. But you can also ride through that chaos. By not attaching to things like time or getting rid of numbers getting rid of - I'll share personally, one thing that happened during my labor was the damn baby monitor. And it was you who told me, your body will do the work, you are more important when it comes to all of these things, and you can feel your baby more than anything else. And my baby was okay, the monitor just wasn't staying on me. So it was scaring everybody. But I was able to go into - I don't know what the space was that I was going into - but I was going into some space. [Laughs] And it was the space that we created and Hypno-birthing, and in all of the yoga that we did, where I was just able to breathe, and also there's a lot of primal things that happened. And I was allowed to let it happen. So I think a big thing, in the work that you did with me, was getting rid of numbers and getting rid of time and expectations, and more  so giving into a process that my body was going through that I had to believe in. I just had to believe. I think the biggest thing was you allowed me to believe and trust.

Steph But the beautiful thing is sometimes when we think, a belief, it doesn't matter if it's true or not, you know, it's just what you think, or what you believe, but the great thing here is that it is true, it is made for this. And so you have this reassurance that your body is able to do this, is made to do this, is designed to do this. You can allow yourself to believe it, because even if you believe it, it's true. You know, it's not like something like a spiritual thing or something you choose to believe we choose to believe always, we are free. But you can prove, you know, by science that this belief is legitimate or is valid? So, fears and experience and everything, your problems, makes this work difficult to access this space of knowing. So I think that's why tools like practicing yoga, being in your body, yoga nidra, hypnosis, it's just a way of helping that person to be pregnant helping them to do what they know how to do, but they don't know then that they know how to do it. 

Sara  Or there's been messages that you need medical help to do it.

Steph We don't teach anything that you don't know. But we just show you that you have everything inside and you can realize that this.

Sara Yeah, and I think another thing was you get to choose your team, you get to choose who your village is and I think that you actually taught me that really well. Because I did choose a hospital and I did have a medical system by my side and that was comforting to me. And also my priority and my main focus that you helped me with was my body and my partner and my doula. So something I think I would like you to speak to, because I didn't do the Empower Your Pregnancy program because I got you personally, but what is the typical format of Empower Your Pregnancy for people to expect and what is your main hope or goal that people take away from it?

Steph What I really like about this program is first, it's a six week program so you're able to create bonding between the participants and with myself as well. So there's like minded people, a bond that happens and the format is always the same, it's an hour and a half, we meet each week. And each week we have an opening circle or moments to listen, to be an active listener to each other. And space to deliver what you have to say. And then there's a theory part, so I will address questions related to pregnancy, more body related, like how to take care of your back, you know, get to know your pelvic floor, what's conscious breathing, and what's the breathing physiology in pregnancy, or I touch thematics like these that are typical from and are very important for the pregnant moments in life. So, these are the first four sessions. And then the last two, we talk about yoga for labor and birth. So we have session one and session two, it could not fit in one session. So we do this opening circle, then I talk a little bit and then we get to practice. We have a full practice that goes with the theme that we discussed before. So if it's your pelvic floor and pelvic bowl, we will do all the classical yoga around it with movements, with poses, standing poses and on hands and knees, on the floor, we cover the full practice and then I always finish with some yoga nidra, some guided relaxation. And I can't help putting in some doula tips and Hypno-birthing. So it's really like a melting pot of my favorite techniques. It's not childbirth education. But it's merging yoga, so you can really expect to work on your body, to stay healthy mentally and physically with this program, and also address some questions and have an embodied learning of what can be labor and birth. And we come away with a toolbox.

Sara It is empowering pregnant people. It is a preparation course. But guiding folks into trusting their own bodies, movement and needs, because no matter what, the more you can change positions, and the more positions you know are available to you, there is that empowerment piece to get through birthing. And then also, there's a whole postpartum piece to that too, right. Like now you have the baby and you're constantly changing positions and having to trust your body in a whole new way.

Steph And I think we cannot emphasize more on how the more you prepare, the more you're aware and conscious of your body and your mental state in pregnancy, the better it is to be geared for the postpartum and birth. And talking about mental health, I collaborate with Hannah Lee, a therapist at Room to Breathe as well. So this is how we link psychotherapy and yoga. And she will be our special guest, she comes in the beginning of the series to talk about the importance of pre and postnatal mental health and she will give her view on this as well. So people who choose the program can also be supported by other kinds of skills, and she is always available and gets to know the participants as well. 

Sara I need to bring her in to coffee chats too, but yeah, I think that's part of the village right. I think you put on a presentation of your part of the village, you bring in pelvic floor therapy as part of the village, mental health support, and that's another part of those choices like not only does your body have choices and the ability to move, you have choices within the medical world of things, you have choices on who's in your village. And I think that also brings in the beautiful boundaries that all birthing persons and pregnant folks need. And then definitely the boundaries of postpartum.

Steph I think it's really different from group prenatal class that you can find a lot online or in real life. Online is also in real life now. Because it has this component of theory, of discussion, of addressing questions and the piece on yoga for labor and birth, which in those two last sessions, we talk a little bit more than we practice. But I think it's really important to make sure my participants have the information they need to make informed choices, and also be able to facilitate healthy conversations with their care provider and with their doula if they have a doula and at least the key elements that I consider the most important for them to have. I have had people who took it in their pregnancy twice in the pregnancy, like in the beginning and at the end.

I have a testimonial for this person. And it's so funny, she says how it was different for her to take it in the beginning, like eight weeks pregnant, and then she took it at the end. She didn't, you know, click on the same things in the first trimester and then the last trimester.

Sara Like in the first trimester it's not real, like there's this thing growing inside of you. But  I guess the conceptualization of labor is so different when you're closer.

Steph But still having thought about it, having this kind of different view of it. Then if you have more time, maybe you make different choices in terms of like, who will be your village? Who will be your care provider? Will you take a doula or not? And this, you might have wished you had this information month three, instead of month eight, and then when you arrive at the end, you're really like I want info and I want to practice for labor, because you're already in this mindset.

Sara Totally. I mean, I can even speak for myself, right? We met and the first time we did yoga was 18 weeks, maybe? It was in the beginning. I was barely showing. And then we did Hypno birthing the second to third trimester. And then I went past my due date as you warned me, I probably would. And it was in that week when I was going through my rolodex or whatever you want to call it, my memory of like, What would Steph and I be doing? And we met that week after my due date. And that yoga practice was vastly different from the yoga practice we did week 22 when my body felt completely different, and I was carrying very differently. So that is really interesting to think about, like, take the six weeks here and you'll be thinking about just how to get through the different feelings of pregnancy and then take it here and you are really honing in on labor and your village and advocating for yourself and all that stuff.

Steph And still each yoga practice is different every day, even also in pregnancy that the body is so transforming. Still, you have the yoga practice that you could take every day of your pregnancy. I'm pretty sure it's my 10th time {teaching EYP}. I taught this program the majority of the time in person at Room to Breathe. And then we started with COVID to do it online. And I was so surprised, you know, as any yoga practice or meditation practice how it still works and has, you know, not the same benefits but similar. Obviously, I'm not able to give adjustments or to give the certain presence that you have in person, but it works so well. And then bonding with people also exists. So I would really encourage anybody who is like, doesn't know if it will be as good as in person to try. Because you can do that in the comfort of your own home.

Sara Your partner can listen in! What’s one skill that you think all birthing persons have the right to know they have? 

Steph It’s a pretty simple thing but hard to achieve I think is to realize that you are able to self-regulate your nervous system and you’re able to go to this place of comfort that is always available. And that can be with techniques of meditation or visualization or something that we call inner resource so how you are going to access this. If you want we can do it together for the last five minutes or so? 

Sara Let’s do it.

Steph I’ll share this because it’s a tool that you can use anytime in life really. I’ve had students that later on in life told me I still use this body scan but we are doing it for pregnancy now. So if you want to take a comfortable seat. First settle your body in a way that it feels really comfortable, you don’t have to hold anything. Your hand can rest on your thighs or even on your womb or on your third chakra if you don’t have a womb. And we’ll take a clearing breath together. In through your nose and out through your mouth. Acknowledging this presence and this little gift that you’re giving to yourself. Turning inwards. Just be focused on yourself. And you can bring your awareness to the top of your head. Very gently, scan your body down, make a wave of relaxation around your face, shoulders, your arms. Bring it down your torso, your heart center, your belly, your hips, your legs, down toward your heels. And maybe taking another breath. As you exhale just washing down and allowing this relaxation to move and spread through your body. Head shoulders arms heart and hips legs. Sensing that you are here now and you don’t have to do much you just have to be here. Connected to your hearts, the heartbeats. And behind your closed eyes I would like you to envision your favorite place. It might be a place that only exists in your imagination. Or maybe it is a place you have been to once or many times. And this place is very special for you because it brings you so much joy. When you’re there you don’t have to worry about anything, you are just being yourself. As creatively as possible, envision this place, see all the details: the colors, the lights, the elements. Maybe there’s other living things or people, plants or pets around you that accompany you in this place. Notice if there’s any sounds that are soothing to you. The temperature. Maybe you’re smelling some characteristic fragrance or smells that are nice in this place, perfume. Do you taste something when you go there? Allowing yourself as creatively as possible to feel in your body, on your skin, in your hearts, feel how it feels to be in this place. The joy. This place is always accessible to me. Now knowing this you can let the image of this place fade away. Allow your breath to become a little bit deeper, more active. Bring yourself back here now, sitting. Feel your contact between you and the chair, sofa, floor. Start to rub your hands, massage your hands, really feel your hands. When they’re getting warmer bring your hands towards your cheeks, over your eyes. And when you’re ready, come back and open your eyes. Please use this as often as you need.